I enjoyed your story a lot! I had never given much thought to Kusa and Lava so it is interesting to read as if they are telling the story from their point of view. You gave them both a lot of personality; I'm glad you made them out to be very sweet and loyal sons. I really liked how much they honored and respected their mother. It not only made them look good, but made Sita look good. Sita had never been my favorite character but after reading your story, it opened up a new perspective for me. She was made out to be a great mother. I am interested to see how you make Rama out to be as a father (if you do so.) I also liked how you kind of left the story with a cliff hanger, it makes me want to keep reading and find out how they found out that Rama is their father! You chose a good photo for your introduction, it really brings a lot of character to Sita. I was a little confused at first because you said it was Sita's story in her own words, but then the story was told by her sons. However, either way would make for a good story. Can't wait to read the rest of your stories! Good job!
I really loved reading your storybook! I think you have come up with a really interesting and creative storybook topic. It gives you a lot of room to add in your own perspectives and twists on Sita's life. The layout and background of your storybook go really well with your topic. I love the plain and simple look, and the main focus being your writing and the pictures. It really gives off the idea that you want to emphasize your story and writing rather than making the storybook look physically appealing. Your introduction was also great. I liked that you wrote it from the perspective of the sons, and that you really gave them each a personality. I didn't really pay too much attention to this story when I was reading the book, so I am glad that I got to read this, and get another perspective on the story. I think it is cool that you added in your own twists and dialogue, while still keeping to the same storyline. I am really interested to see what you come up with next and how you choose to portray Rama. I look forward to reading more of your work! Great job!
Cover page: I really like the picture on your cover page. I think it might look even better at the center of the page instead of left justified, just like your introduction and first story’s layouts.
Introduction: It is such a great idea to do your storybook from the perspective of Sita’s sons. As I was reading the paragraph before the last it says, “After our mom returned to the earth . . .” I was confused a bit, because I thought her sons were on earth and she was now in heaven. Consider making that clear. Otherwise, your introduction makes me want to read more. The dialogue and the stories help to draw me in. I am also a huge fan of a journal or diary style so I can’t wait to read your stories.
“Sita in Love”: The fun sibling rivalry adds a great dynamic to the relatability of the story. I really like the voice of Lava because it is a bit humorous, but very believable. The insight into the private conversations between Sita and Rama is great, and shows there was much more to their relationship than we read in either version of Ramayana. When Sita daydreams about her future children it helps to make her more relatable to your readers, especially to the woman audience (what woman hasn't daydreamed about their future?). O this is great story. I love the transition in Lava’s voice from almost playful to respectful and solemn.
Wow, great job Abigail! I have to say this was a great idea for a storybook project. It was that you decided to do your point of view through their sons. Through the whole story I was always interested in wanting to read more and more because it wasn't just a boring story it was informative yet fun through the boys' perspective. I like the funny commentary between the two sons through the story, which adds more entertainment through the overall story. I enjoyed the pictures as well you did a great job portraying the love through their sons perfectly. I think you could work on more pictures of Sita writing maybe? I know it's hard to find images but that would be cool or even their sons' pictures of reading the journal or something fun like that would be a great asset to your story and site. I love happy endings and portraying their family and their love story through the sons is a great ending to their epic love story ending. I liked the color scheme you chose it’s moody and fits the idea of the story site perfectly. I would add more pictures to make it more interesting. Great job though!
Sita in Captivity: I really like this continuation of Sita's journal. As I was reading I noticed the line about how she was a song bird in a bird cage then I reread the title, and I thought it was very creative. I think it is interesting how the twins struggle with their dad’s, less than warm reunion, with Sita after her captivity. I still really like the style of Sita’s children narrating parts of her life. I love the idea of Sita’s children wanting to thank the one demon who was nice to Sita while she was in captivity. I think she should get a thank you for being the only being in all of Lanka with compassion and friendship for Sita. I also love the idea that Sita’s purity in the eyes of her people might have been conserved if Rama would have rescued her sooner. Possibly he could have rescued her during the rainy season where he waited with his brother? This is a concept I had not considered before. Overall I think you did a good job!! This picture is perfect for this story! I really like this image of Sita begin carried away by Ravana (even though if we go by Narayan’s version of Ramayana Ravana would be dead in this image).
Hey Abigail. For your coverpage, I really enjoyed the picture that you used. This is completely subjective, but using left alignment for your image and image information might give the page a more uniform feel. You could also try centering your title, but I'm not sure if this is possible. I also liked the image that you chose for your introduction, but it might be less distracting if you move the image information to the bottom of the page. I really enjoyed how you showed that Kusa and Lava did not understand the concept of a father. It was kind of playful but brought to light a serious issue that the boys had to face. Your introduction was great. It did a very good job of introducing your characters and leading into your first story. For Sita in Love, I would recommend moving the image information below the bibliography. I really liked the storytelling style that you've chosen. It really helps to develop the character of your narrator and all of the little asides are funny. I thought that the diary excerpts were very believable as well. The only spelling/grammar mistake that I noticed was at the end of your story when you said Sita was "the kindest, most gentlest..." you could have said "the kindest, most gentle..." Overall, I thought that your storybook looks great so far and I look forward to watching it develop!
Your cover page is simple and striking. The image is very powerful and really pops against that red background. It is also very clear what the storybook is going to be about.
Your introduction provides a very good frame narrative for the stories to come. Lava and Kusha's wondering who their father is is very touching, and hints at what is to come in Sita's story. The writing is good, with a balance of information and story. The format didn't seem perfect to me though, I would try bigger font and maybe rearranging the short lines into longer paragraphs.
I like how you have both Lava's and Sita's point of view. The style of Lava commenting on his mother's diary works really well, and each character has a distinct voice. You also formatted it well - the dividing lines and different fonts make it very clear who is talking. It is very interesting to see Lava's perspective as he finds out more about his parents, wondering why Sita didn't tell him sooner. Again, you strike a good balance between giving information and telling a story that sounds like an authentic diary.
I also like how your titles go together, it creates a nice sense of unity.
Hey Abigail. Your feedback on my storybook was great. A common theme amongst all of the responses is that I should include a picture in my introduction, so I'm definitely going to do that. When I first wrote the introduction I tried to find a good picture of a feast, but I couldn’t find any that I really liked. You also definitely understand the theme of the storybook. While the survivors are mourning their fallen brothers, each of the stories will be more focused on the theme of brotherhood and the bond that they had. I hope that you continue to follow my storybook. I’ll be looking forward to your feedback in the next few weeks.
Hi Abigail! I just wanted to stop by and leave a little thank you note for all of your great feedback on my stories! I definitely took into account what you said about adding contrast to my titles, and I think it looks a lot better! I also loved hearing what stuck out to you in my stories and getting some insight into the mind of my audience! I hope you have enjoyed reading my storybook! Your feedback is always welcome and appreciated!
Hello Abigail! This was my first visit to your storybook, but when I saw the title, I just had to read it. My story this week is also on Sita, and it too is told from Sita's perspective, so I thought that your stories could offer me a different perspective from my own and perhaps even change my own views and therefore influence my own stories. And I was not disappointed!!
First off, I thought your choice of image for your coverpage was very interesting. Here is depicted Sita being tested by fire, and thus you are displaying Sita's loyalty and virtue throughout all obstacles right off the back. Great choice!!
I loved your introduction, and how it showed the despair that Sita surely must have felt being abandoned by Rama to care for their children in the woods. You have great characterization and the way you highlight specific details is gorgeous! I also love the added mystery in that Kusa and Lava did not know of their father, and how this adds an element of intrigue into the story.
I only read your first story so far, but this also was fantastic!! Again, your characterization of the sons of Sita and Rama was detailed and really helped set the atmosphere for the tale. Also, the juxtaposition of Sita's thoughts and those of Lava added an interesting interactive element to the tale. Plus, Sita's thoughts are so evocative and emotional; you are a great storyteller!
Hello Abigail, This was my first opening of your storybook, and my first impression is that you have a nice color scheme and theme going. It's very warm and classic looking, and the font you chose does well for a journal because it resembles nice handwriting.
I figured I would see quite a few storybooks written from the perspective of Sita, but yours was the first I had seen. I'm not sure what this means, but I thought your introduction was pretty solid. I noticed that you used a lot of sentences like this one: "She ensured that we were brought up with strength and integrity, and she taught us by example, with grace and courage." I think these would feel easier to read if you either gave distinct examples of her grace and courage, or you listed them differently. I think it would probably be easiest if you just re-phrased it as, "She would always teach us by example, using her grace and courage, and ensured we were raised with strength and integrity." Good work on the intro. The format of doublespacing was nice to read.
For Lava's story, I think you did a good job of using the perspective of a cool teenager, and I like that you differentiated him by making him unsure about telling details of his mother's journal.
Hey Abigail, I like your cover page to your storybook, the red background works well with the word coloring and the image you chose. I thought your introduction perfectly led into the framework of your storybook. The inclusion of the story between Sita and her sons was a very great way to show a piece of Sita that the reader may not have gotten to see in the book. I also like how you gave the two brothers their own personalities throughout the storybook. It was sad how the boys had to wait till Sita’s death to learn of her and their fathers story but it adds to the emotional aspect you have in every story so far. I love the idea of having each son take turns in reading their mothers diary piece by piece and including their own thoughts and opinions on her accounts. The words you created for Sita I think fit the story and her personality really well. The initial feelings, day before wedding, and capture of Sita in her diary stories were great stories to choose I think since they involve happy times of them together and then where it started to change. I am excited to see the confrontation of Rama and his two sons and how he explains his actions when he got Sita back. This is definitely a point in the book that like you said was a great conundrum for his character. I am really impressed by your storybook and I don’t have any critiques on it but keep up the good work!
Hey Abigail! I like your cover page! That picture of Sita is beautiful and not only illustrates a hugely important scene from the Ramayana, but also shows how someone as innocent and giving as Sita can still come "under fire." I would, however, have liked if you maybe had larger print for your links to stories on the left side of your blog. Otherwise, I love it!
Your introduction was fun to read and made me want to read on! It made me really feel for Sita, a woman who has been nothing but devoted to Rama and yet is abandoned to take care of her children alone in the woods. I am excited that you chose to explore her life further!
You gave her sons their own voices which is really impressive, and helps the reader connect emotionally to your story as well as to Sita and her sons. She is a great mom and you show this really well. Her sons respect her and seem to have a good relationship with Sita, which I like a lot because my family really values respect and loyalty. I'm excited to see how Rama compares. Will he be just as strong and composed when he's faced with the difficulties of raising children? Will he get frazzled?
Hey, Abigail! Your introduction was very well-written. I love how much emotion how you were able to encompass – sadness and almost shameful feelings when Sita’s sons asked about their father but also the genuine sweetness of Sita. It was so well written when you put “smiling sweetly. She had no other kind of smile.” That really helps give a good idea of Sita and her nature. I also love the picture you painted of the birds curling up next to each other and how that situation showed the sons of what they were missing since they obviously didn’t know anything else. I would have never thought to include that if I were writing this storybook. Also, the picture on the introduction page is really cool. As for the stories, I really like how you included passages in the voice of Sita but also a more modern tone from the twins. It was so beautifully written when you put “this songbird won’t give in. I will escape from this cage. Rama will free me.” That was so well written and exemplifies Sita’s soft yet beautiful personality and the imagery of the cage and her being a songbird. The formatting of the storybook was very nice- it was easy to read all the text on the page but the red background helped set a “royal” sort of Indian feel. I look forward to reading more of your storybook stories- keep up the great work!
Hello again, Abigail!! I decided to return to your storybook because I really enjoyed the various characters and viewpoints you developed in your introduction and first story. Plus, since I wrote part of Sita's story from her viewpoint this week, I thought it would be interesting to see how my portrayal compared and contrasted to yours.
In first opening up the page "Sita in Captivity," I was enthralled by the image you chose and placed at the top of the page. It's such an arresting image, with so much going on and so much emotion portrayed. Even before reading your story, I knew that there was going to be much emotion, pain, and loss in the tale, and thus the picture did a great job in setting the atmosphere. Great start!!
Then, after reading your story, I simply have more good things to say, haha. Once again, I truly love your characterization, and the juxtaposition of Kusa's thoughts with Sita's diary entries really emphasize the emotions and history found in Sita's story. You do a fantastic job of portraying Sita's loyalty to Rama and the dismay and despair she must have felt throughout her abduction. And the hope you instill in your story is also very present, contrasting sharply with the fear of capture. Also, Kusa makes some pretty funny and yet poignant remarks about how it would feel to learn this dramatic, epic tale and then realize that that same tale depicts your own history, tells the story of your own parents.
On first visiting your storybook I noticed you design and layout. I thought the color scheme was nice and it complimented your image well. I also liked the font you used. Your cover page was easy to navigate and all your links were in the proper order.
I thought your introduction did a great job of introducing your storybook. You gave some great background information on your characters and had great back and forth dialogue between them. I like the idea of Sita's journal revealing what was really happening inside her mind. I can see Sita not wanting to talk about Rama and how she was banished from the kingdom by her husband. You do a great job a showing just how curious her sons are about their father.
I read the first story in your storybook and really liked how you formatted it. I think it worked really well to read a passage of Sita's journal and then have Lava comment on it. With the passages of Sita's journal, I think you did a great job getting inside Sita's head and writing as her. I think your author's note did a great job of explaining your motives for writing the story the way you did. I'll be sure to return later on for more of your storybook, keep up the good work.
I loved your theme, color scheme, and fonts! I think it all pulled your story together really well; It gave me an "India-like" feel.
Your theme for your StoryBook in general was great! I kind of wish that I had thought of that. Sita has had such a tough life since the minute she got married to Rama till the second she died. I'm so glad that you picked this topic and helped all your readers realize this.
The small introduction story was absolutely excellent. I immediately knew what you were going to talk about in your Storybook and I felt like I could relate to Sita's two little kids so well just through that small story. Great transition to your first story!
I loved that you used her two sons and had them go back and forth reading through Sita's journal and commenting on different parts. That allowed you to tell Sita's supposed side and your "modern" side. I kind of the did the same with my Storybook, except my topic was Karma. You portrayed Sita's side very well. I could actually imagine the plot playing out in my head and Sita furiously scribbling in her little journal on the side. Great job! The comments were also perfect. Lava and Kush were portrayed perfectly.
Good job! I think you're doing phenomenal with this storybook topic!
Hey Abigail! I never was put into your group for commenting so I decided to choose you as my last free choice for this week! I just got done reading through your storybook Janaki's Journal: Sita's Story — In Her Own Words and I really appreciated all the effort you put into your storybook. I really liked that you chose to write a storybook over Sita, because she is one of my favorite characters as well. She goes through many hardships throughout her life and I feel like she is never properly rewarded for all of her endeavors as a wife and mother. The color scheme and layout of your storybook are great. The red and gold go really nicely together and makes it look very elegant. I enjoyed reading the stories through Kusha and Lava's eyes and think you did an exceptional job of bringing their characters to life through the personalities. This was also helped by the great dialogues you created for each character and you truly made their brotherly relationship come to life. Also the way you created a first person aspect for Sita's major encounters were all cleverly and artfully written. Overall, this was a very good storybook and I commend you on the hard work you put into it! Great job!
Hi Abigail! Surprisingly, this is the first time I’ve been to your storybook. On the cover page, I like the font you use and the colors are great. The picture fits the color scheme very well, too. For the introduction, I love the story of the bird. I can see the pain in Sita’s eyes and movements. I like how when you get to the diary entries you change the color of font for the different narrators. It helps a lot to keep straight which person is talking. In the second story, I love how Sita takes the comparison of Ravana to a cat climbing into a birdcage and compares herself to a bird escaping. On the last story, there are several areas where the size of font differs. I’m not sure what you tried to get at with it, that is, if you intended it to be different at all. Ooh! Rama called Valmiki to take care of them! What a great addition! It definitely makes Rama less of a bad guy. I really like this storybook! You have a great storytelling style! These stories all look so well-polished! There really weren’t many places I saw that needed work or were confusing. Good job!
Hello again Abigail, this is my second visit to your storybook. I picked up right where I left off, and you did a great job of trying to write as Sita. You did a very good job of capturing her despair. Her only comfort in this situation is the ability to record her thoughts and feelings. As a reader I really get a feel for how miserable she is, and how she longs to see Rama again. The comments of Lava and Kusa were enjoyable in-between Sita's diary post, and they also provided comic relief at times. I like how the twins did not understand why Rama treated Sita badly after her rescue, and had to seek out an explanation from him. Sita was nothing but a victim, and her children were right to question their father's actions. I think you did a great job of showing that Rama was concerned about the publics' opinion of him, and let this influence his decision when it came to Sita. However, this does not mean he could stop loving her. Being the offspring of Rama and Sita would be very difficult, and I love that your storybook took on the challenge of that perspective.
Hello Abigail this is my first visit to your page. I think the layout of your page is good. The navigation is easy to navigate. The color scheme is good and the font seems to fit right in with the theme of your storybook. The picture you chose for your cover page was great. Without out reading the title I was able to know that your storybook had something to do with the Ramayana because Rama is blue and both characters in the picture are blue. I feel as if this is a quest storybook in a way because in your introduction i believe you wrote that the twins did not know their mother, so this set works great by having them use Sita's Diary to tell the story because the characters get to discover their mother along with the reader. Overall I think you have a done a great job.
Hey Abigail, this is my first time visiting your page and I have to say I absolutely love it. The red color scheme works perfect with what your storybook is about. I also really like the font in that it’s not too ornate to read. Great job on the pictures, the ones you chose to put along with the story really helps put a face to the characters. The theme you chose for the storybook is pretty cool and flows really well. The whole dialog between the brothers and Sita allows for a deeper feeling of emotion and kind of puts the reader into the heads of the children. I also enjoyed how the brothers are curious about their father and after the passing of their mother end up trying to learn more about their past. I also thought it was interesting that the brothers didn’t even know what a father was when Sita was talking to them about the birds they found in the tree. To have the boys read the diary of Sita and have them spread the story of their parents was a neat take. It also allowed for the reader to truly feel all the characters emotions. Keep up the great work.
I enjoyed your story a lot! I had never given much thought to Kusa and Lava so it is interesting to read as if they are telling the story from their point of view. You gave them both a lot of personality; I'm glad you made them out to be very sweet and loyal sons. I really liked how much they honored and respected their mother. It not only made them look good, but made Sita look good. Sita had never been my favorite character but after reading your story, it opened up a new perspective for me. She was made out to be a great mother. I am interested to see how you make Rama out to be as a father (if you do so.)
ReplyDeleteI also liked how you kind of left the story with a cliff hanger, it makes me want to keep reading and find out how they found out that Rama is their father!
You chose a good photo for your introduction, it really brings a lot of character to Sita.
I was a little confused at first because you said it was Sita's story in her own words, but then the story was told by her sons.
However, either way would make for a good story.
Can't wait to read the rest of your stories! Good job!
I really loved reading your storybook! I think you have come up with a really interesting and creative storybook topic. It gives you a lot of room to add in your own perspectives and twists on Sita's life. The layout and background of your storybook go really well with your topic. I love the plain and simple look, and the main focus being your writing and the pictures. It really gives off the idea that you want to emphasize your story and writing rather than making the storybook look physically appealing. Your introduction was also great. I liked that you wrote it from the perspective of the sons, and that you really gave them each a personality. I didn't really pay too much attention to this story when I was reading the book, so I am glad that I got to read this, and get another perspective on the story. I think it is cool that you added in your own twists and dialogue, while still keeping to the same storyline. I am really interested to see what you come up with next and how you choose to portray Rama. I look forward to reading more of your work! Great job!
ReplyDeleteAbigail,
ReplyDeleteCover page: I really like the picture on your cover page. I think it might look even better at the center of the page instead of left justified, just like your introduction and first story’s layouts.
Introduction: It is such a great idea to do your storybook from the perspective of Sita’s sons. As I was reading the paragraph before the last it says, “After our mom returned to the earth . . .” I was confused a bit, because I thought her sons were on earth and she was now in heaven. Consider making that clear. Otherwise, your introduction makes me want to read more. The dialogue and the stories help to draw me in. I am also a huge fan of a journal or diary style so I can’t wait to read your stories.
“Sita in Love”: The fun sibling rivalry adds a great dynamic to the relatability of the story. I really like the voice of Lava because it is a bit humorous, but very believable. The insight into the private conversations between Sita and Rama is great, and shows there was much more to their relationship than we read in either version of Ramayana. When Sita daydreams about her future children it helps to make her more relatable to your readers, especially to the woman audience (what woman hasn't daydreamed about their future?). O this is great story. I love the transition in Lava’s voice from almost playful to respectful and solemn.
Wow, great job Abigail! I have to say this was a great idea for a storybook project. It was that you decided to do your point of view through their sons. Through the whole story I was always interested in wanting to read more and more because it wasn't just a boring story it was informative yet fun through the boys' perspective. I like the funny commentary between the two sons through the story, which adds more entertainment through the overall story. I enjoyed the pictures as well you did a great job portraying the love through their sons perfectly. I think you could work on more pictures of Sita writing maybe? I know it's hard to find images but that would be cool or even their sons' pictures of reading the journal or something fun like that would be a great asset to your story and site. I love happy endings and portraying their family and their love story through the sons is a great ending to their epic love story ending. I liked the color scheme you chose it’s moody and fits the idea of the story site perfectly. I would add more pictures to make it more interesting. Great job though!
ReplyDeleteSita in Captivity: I really like this continuation of Sita's journal. As I was reading I noticed the line about how she was a song bird in a bird cage then I reread the title, and I thought it was very creative. I think it is interesting how the twins struggle with their dad’s, less than warm reunion, with Sita after her captivity. I still really like the style of Sita’s children narrating parts of her life. I love the idea of Sita’s children wanting to thank the one demon who was nice to Sita while she was in captivity. I think she should get a thank you for being the only being in all of Lanka with compassion and friendship for Sita. I also love the idea that Sita’s purity in the eyes of her people might have been conserved if Rama would have rescued her sooner. Possibly he could have rescued her during the rainy season where he waited with his brother? This is a concept I had not considered before. Overall I think you did a good job!!
ReplyDeleteThis picture is perfect for this story! I really like this image of Sita begin carried away by Ravana (even though if we go by Narayan’s version of Ramayana Ravana would be dead in this image).
Hey Abigail. For your coverpage, I really enjoyed the picture that you used. This is completely subjective, but using left alignment for your image and image information might give the page a more uniform feel. You could also try centering your title, but I'm not sure if this is possible. I also liked the image that you chose for your introduction, but it might be less distracting if you move the image information to the bottom of the page. I really enjoyed how you showed that Kusa and Lava did not understand the concept of a father. It was kind of playful but brought to light a serious issue that the boys had to face. Your introduction was great. It did a very good job of introducing your characters and leading into your first story. For Sita in Love, I would recommend moving the image information below the bibliography. I really liked the storytelling style that you've chosen. It really helps to develop the character of your narrator and all of the little asides are funny. I thought that the diary excerpts were very believable as well. The only spelling/grammar mistake that I noticed was at the end of your story when you said Sita was "the kindest, most gentlest..." you could have said "the kindest, most gentle..." Overall, I thought that your storybook looks great so far and I look forward to watching it develop!
ReplyDeleteYour cover page is simple and striking. The image is very powerful and really pops against that red background. It is also very clear what the storybook is going to be about.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction provides a very good frame narrative for the stories to come. Lava and Kusha's wondering who their father is is very touching, and hints at what is to come in Sita's story. The writing is good, with a balance of information and story. The format didn't seem perfect to me though, I would try bigger font and maybe rearranging the short lines into longer paragraphs.
I like how you have both Lava's and Sita's point of view. The style of Lava commenting on his mother's diary works really well, and each character has a distinct voice. You also formatted it well - the dividing lines and different fonts make it very clear who is talking. It is very interesting to see Lava's perspective as he finds out more about his parents, wondering why Sita didn't tell him sooner. Again, you strike a good balance between giving information and telling a story that sounds like an authentic diary.
I also like how your titles go together, it creates a nice sense of unity.
Overall good work, keep it up. :)
Hey Abigail. Your feedback on my storybook was great. A common theme amongst all of the responses is that I should include a picture in my introduction, so I'm definitely going to do that. When I first wrote the introduction I tried to find a good picture of a feast, but I couldn’t find any that I really liked. You also definitely understand the theme of the storybook. While the survivors are mourning their fallen brothers, each of the stories will be more focused on the theme of brotherhood and the bond that they had. I hope that you continue to follow my storybook. I’ll be looking forward to your feedback in the next few weeks.
ReplyDeleteHi Abigail! I just wanted to stop by and leave a little thank you note for all of your great feedback on my stories! I definitely took into account what you said about adding contrast to my titles, and I think it looks a lot better! I also loved hearing what stuck out to you in my stories and getting some insight into the mind of my audience! I hope you have enjoyed reading my storybook! Your feedback is always welcome and appreciated!
ReplyDeleteHello Abigail! This was my first visit to your storybook, but when I saw the title, I just had to read it. My story this week is also on Sita, and it too is told from Sita's perspective, so I thought that your stories could offer me a different perspective from my own and perhaps even change my own views and therefore influence my own stories. And I was not disappointed!!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I thought your choice of image for your coverpage was very interesting. Here is depicted Sita being tested by fire, and thus you are displaying Sita's loyalty and virtue throughout all obstacles right off the back. Great choice!!
I loved your introduction, and how it showed the despair that Sita surely must have felt being abandoned by Rama to care for their children in the woods. You have great characterization and the way you highlight specific details is gorgeous! I also love the added mystery in that Kusa and Lava did not know of their father, and how this adds an element of intrigue into the story.
I only read your first story so far, but this also was fantastic!! Again, your characterization of the sons of Sita and Rama was detailed and really helped set the atmosphere for the tale. Also, the juxtaposition of Sita's thoughts and those of Lava added an interesting interactive element to the tale. Plus, Sita's thoughts are so evocative and emotional; you are a great storyteller!
Overall, excellent work!!
Hello Abigail,
ReplyDeleteThis was my first opening of your storybook, and my first impression is that you have a nice color scheme and theme going. It's very warm and classic looking, and the font you chose does well for a journal because it resembles nice handwriting.
I figured I would see quite a few storybooks written from the perspective of Sita, but yours was the first I had seen. I'm not sure what this means, but I thought your introduction was pretty solid. I noticed that you used a lot of sentences like this one: "She ensured that we were brought up with strength and integrity, and she taught us by example, with grace and courage." I think these would feel easier to read if you either gave distinct examples of her grace and courage, or you listed them differently. I think it would probably be easiest if you just re-phrased it as, "She would always teach us by example, using her grace and courage, and ensured we were raised with strength and integrity." Good work on the intro. The format of doublespacing was nice to read.
For Lava's story, I think you did a good job of using the perspective of a cool teenager, and I like that you differentiated him by making him unsure about telling details of his mother's journal.
Hey Abigail, I like your cover page to your storybook, the red background works well with the word coloring and the image you chose. I thought your introduction perfectly led into the framework of your storybook. The inclusion of the story between Sita and her sons was a very great way to show a piece of Sita that the reader may not have gotten to see in the book. I also like how you gave the two brothers their own personalities throughout the storybook. It was sad how the boys had to wait till Sita’s death to learn of her and their fathers story but it adds to the emotional aspect you have in every story so far. I love the idea of having each son take turns in reading their mothers diary piece by piece and including their own thoughts and opinions on her accounts. The words you created for Sita I think fit the story and her personality really well. The initial feelings, day before wedding, and capture of Sita in her diary stories were great stories to choose I think since they involve happy times of them together and then where it started to change. I am excited to see the confrontation of Rama and his two sons and how he explains his actions when he got Sita back. This is definitely a point in the book that like you said was a great conundrum for his character. I am really impressed by your storybook and I don’t have any critiques on it but keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Abigail!
ReplyDeleteI like your cover page! That picture of Sita is beautiful and not only illustrates a hugely important scene from the Ramayana, but also shows how someone as innocent and giving as Sita can still come "under fire." I would, however, have liked if you maybe had larger print for your links to stories on the left side of your blog. Otherwise, I love it!
Your introduction was fun to read and made me want to read on! It made me really feel for Sita, a woman who has been nothing but devoted to Rama and yet is abandoned to take care of her children alone in the woods. I am excited that you chose to explore her life further!
You gave her sons their own voices which is really impressive, and helps the reader connect emotionally to your story as well as to Sita and her sons. She is a great mom and you show this really well. Her sons respect her and seem to have a good relationship with Sita, which I like a lot because my family really values respect and loyalty. I'm excited to see how Rama compares. Will he be just as strong and composed when he's faced with the difficulties of raising children? Will he get frazzled?
Overall, great job!
Hey, Abigail! Your introduction was very well-written. I love how much emotion how you were able to encompass – sadness and almost shameful feelings when Sita’s sons asked about their father but also the genuine sweetness of Sita. It was so well written when you put “smiling sweetly. She had no other kind of smile.” That really helps give a good idea of Sita and her nature. I also love the picture you painted of the birds curling up next to each other and how that situation showed the sons of what they were missing since they obviously didn’t know anything else. I would have never thought to include that if I were writing this storybook. Also, the picture on the introduction page is really cool. As for the stories, I really like how you included passages in the voice of Sita but also a more modern tone from the twins. It was so beautifully written when you put “this songbird won’t give in. I will escape from this cage. Rama will free me.” That was so well written and exemplifies Sita’s soft yet beautiful personality and the imagery of the cage and her being a songbird. The formatting of the storybook was very nice- it was easy to read all the text on the page but the red background helped set a “royal” sort of Indian feel. I look forward to reading more of your storybook stories- keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHello again, Abigail!! I decided to return to your storybook because I really enjoyed the various characters and viewpoints you developed in your introduction and first story. Plus, since I wrote part of Sita's story from her viewpoint this week, I thought it would be interesting to see how my portrayal compared and contrasted to yours.
ReplyDeleteIn first opening up the page "Sita in Captivity," I was enthralled by the image you chose and placed at the top of the page. It's such an arresting image, with so much going on and so much emotion portrayed. Even before reading your story, I knew that there was going to be much emotion, pain, and loss in the tale, and thus the picture did a great job in setting the atmosphere. Great start!!
Then, after reading your story, I simply have more good things to say, haha. Once again, I truly love your characterization, and the juxtaposition of Kusa's thoughts with Sita's diary entries really emphasize the emotions and history found in Sita's story. You do a fantastic job of portraying Sita's loyalty to Rama and the dismay and despair she must have felt throughout her abduction. And the hope you instill in your story is also very present, contrasting sharply with the fear of capture. Also, Kusa makes some pretty funny and yet poignant remarks about how it would feel to learn this dramatic, epic tale and then realize that that same tale depicts your own history, tells the story of your own parents.
Overall, just to reiterate, fantastic work!!
On first visiting your storybook I noticed you design and layout. I thought the color scheme was nice and it complimented your image well. I also liked the font you used. Your cover page was easy to navigate and all your links were in the proper order.
ReplyDeleteI thought your introduction did a great job of introducing your storybook. You gave some great background information on your characters and had great back and forth dialogue between them. I like the idea of Sita's journal revealing what was really happening inside her mind. I can see Sita not wanting to talk about Rama and how she was banished from the kingdom by her husband. You do a great job a showing just how curious her sons are about their father.
I read the first story in your storybook and really liked how you formatted it. I think it worked really well to read a passage of Sita's journal and then have Lava comment on it. With the passages of Sita's journal, I think you did a great job getting inside Sita's head and writing as her. I think your author's note did a great job of explaining your motives for writing the story the way you did. I'll be sure to return later on for more of your storybook, keep up the good work.
I loved your theme, color scheme, and fonts! I think it all pulled your story together really well; It gave me an "India-like" feel.
ReplyDeleteYour theme for your StoryBook in general was great! I kind of wish that I had thought of that. Sita has had such a tough life since the minute she got married to Rama till the second she died. I'm so glad that you picked this topic and helped all your readers realize this.
The small introduction story was absolutely excellent. I immediately knew what you were going to talk about in your Storybook and I felt like I could relate to Sita's two little kids so well just through that small story. Great transition to your first story!
I loved that you used her two sons and had them go back and forth reading through Sita's journal and commenting on different parts. That allowed you to tell Sita's supposed side and your "modern" side. I kind of the did the same with my Storybook, except my topic was Karma. You portrayed Sita's side very well. I could actually imagine the plot playing out in my head and Sita furiously scribbling in her little journal on the side. Great job! The comments were also perfect. Lava and Kush were portrayed perfectly.
Good job! I think you're doing phenomenal with this storybook topic!
Hey Abigail! I never was put into your group for commenting so I decided to choose you as my last free choice for this week! I just got done reading through your storybook Janaki's Journal: Sita's Story — In Her Own Words and I really appreciated all the effort you put into your storybook. I really liked that you chose to write a storybook over Sita, because she is one of my favorite characters as well. She goes through many hardships throughout her life and I feel like she is never properly rewarded for all of her endeavors as a wife and mother. The color scheme and layout of your storybook are great. The red and gold go really nicely together and makes it look very elegant. I enjoyed reading the stories through Kusha and Lava's eyes and think you did an exceptional job of bringing their characters to life through the personalities. This was also helped by the great dialogues you created for each character and you truly made their brotherly relationship come to life. Also the way you created a first person aspect for Sita's major encounters were all cleverly and artfully written. Overall, this was a very good storybook and I commend you on the hard work you put into it! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Abigail! Surprisingly, this is the first time I’ve been to your storybook. On the cover page, I like the font you use and the colors are great. The picture fits the color scheme very well, too. For the introduction, I love the story of the bird. I can see the pain in Sita’s eyes and movements. I like how when you get to the diary entries you change the color of font for the different narrators. It helps a lot to keep straight which person is talking. In the second story, I love how Sita takes the comparison of Ravana to a cat climbing into a birdcage and compares herself to a bird escaping. On the last story, there are several areas where the size of font differs. I’m not sure what you tried to get at with it, that is, if you intended it to be different at all. Ooh! Rama called Valmiki to take care of them! What a great addition! It definitely makes Rama less of a bad guy. I really like this storybook! You have a great storytelling style! These stories all look so well-polished! There really weren’t many places I saw that needed work or were confusing. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHello again Abigail, this is my second visit to your storybook. I picked up right where I left off, and you did a great job of trying to write as Sita. You did a very good job of capturing her despair. Her only comfort in this situation is the ability to record her thoughts and feelings. As a reader I really get a feel for how miserable she is, and how she longs to see Rama again. The comments of Lava and Kusa were enjoyable in-between Sita's diary post, and they also provided comic relief at times. I like how the twins did not understand why Rama treated Sita badly after her rescue, and had to seek out an explanation from him. Sita was nothing but a victim, and her children were right to question their father's actions. I think you did a great job of showing that Rama was concerned about the publics' opinion of him, and let this influence his decision when it came to Sita. However, this does not mean he could stop loving her. Being the offspring of Rama and Sita would be very difficult, and I love that your storybook took on the challenge of that perspective.
ReplyDeleteHello Abigail this is my first visit to your page. I think the layout of your page is good. The navigation is easy to navigate. The color scheme is good and the font seems to fit right in with the theme of your storybook. The picture you chose for your cover page was great. Without out reading the title I was able to know that your storybook had something to do with the Ramayana because Rama is blue and both characters in the picture are blue. I feel as if this is a quest storybook in a way because in your introduction i believe you wrote that the twins did not know their mother, so this set works great by having them use Sita's Diary to tell the story because the characters get to discover their mother along with the reader. Overall I think you have a done a great job.
ReplyDeleteHey Abigail, this is my first time visiting your page and I have to say I absolutely love it. The red color scheme works perfect with what your storybook is about. I also really like the font in that it’s not too ornate to read. Great job on the pictures, the ones you chose to put along with the story really helps put a face to the characters. The theme you chose for the storybook is pretty cool and flows really well. The whole dialog between the brothers and Sita allows for a deeper feeling of emotion and kind of puts the reader into the heads of the children. I also enjoyed how the brothers are curious about their father and after the passing of their mother end up trying to learn more about their past. I also thought it was interesting that the brothers didn’t even know what a father was when Sita was talking to them about the birds they found in the tree. To have the boys read the diary of Sita and have them spread the story of their parents was a neat take. It also allowed for the reader to truly feel all the characters emotions. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments over the semester! They really helped my storybook!
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